The "F" Word

The language of today, for the most part in pretty foul. I would like to think however that my children are someone immune from it at least for now.

I laugh though when Ben comes home from school and says to me "Mom..I know what the "F" word is..."Fart", or I know what the "H" word is..."Hate", or "S" word is "Stupid". I am thankful that these are the words he thinks are BAD words or Swears..as these words coming from a 6 year old do not sound all that nice.

Tonight however I fear the innocence has been lost, and Ben has been exposed to the real "F" swear word. He is in Grade 1.
I was upstairs making dinner and I hear Ben downstairs "OH..F@#$@#$@"....excuse me???? I asked him where he heard it and although he said from school, he "doesn't" remember from who.

I really suspect it was from one particular boy that I have cautioned him against playing with..he is a troubled boy unfortunately from a bad family and has already been suspended once for aggressive behavior (stabbed Ben with a pencil)...pretty sad really.

That being said, I think Ben doesn't want to tell on his friends. Either way he had a stern talking to. I sure hope I don't hear that from him again.

Am I going to survive these school years?

Family Supper December 2009

So another year has gone and here we are. Slightly beaten and bruised, however in the end we shake the dust off and take the time to enjoy the little things in our life that make us smile. Our children!



This year we have a new addition to the family, our little Patrick! Although his Mommy is still not back in the "fold" we were able to steal him for a few precious moments that we all needed desperately.



There is just something so beautiful in the innocence seen through a babies eyes, the trusting little grin, and the delightful giggles all make us forget about the less then perfect life, but gives us hope for a better tomorrow.

Resolution

So here it is...I have to say it out loud so I can't go back on it. I am making a promise to myself to loose the weight this coming year. No more excuses...I was able to take off 20 pounds last year however through the summer months I stopped dieting and I have since gained back 10 pounds....eeeeek.
It's always so much easier puting it on then it is to take it off. Why does food have to taste sooo soo good?
I have really been packing on the weight these past few weeks..I guess in my mind D day is coming so I have to enjoy every second I have left...LOL!
Anyways the count down is on!

Update

Sorry for not updating the blog in a while, I haven't really been all that inspired to say the least...or should I rephrase and say I haven't had much good to say...but really when has that stopped me? Besides I guess that was the whole reason I started the blog was to diary my feelings, hoping to find this an outlet to ease my anxiety and stress of day to day trials and tribulations we have come to know as Life in these "Times of the End".

I can give a positive update on our dealing with Benjamin and his behavioral issues! We have taken some preliminary steps that have really made a difference with him....although in past observances he does have a couple good months and then a really bad month, he has seemed to have had a good few consecutive months with a marked improvement that has been noticeable. His anger although still expressed sharply and at times very emotionally charged, is not elevating to out of control rage. These "episodes" generally only last a few minutes now rather then 10 minutes or more.
He is also is learning to respect the boundaries of the "hands off" rule. His first reaction used to be to immediately strike out at his sister relentlessly with physical confrontation and would not let up, however now although at times he will still hit her, it is usually not with as much force and not out of control. He also is more likely to share his feelings with us, where before he would just bottle up what he was feeling and would just get mad.
What has made the difference in him? I am not sure what one thing has helped, but overall we have changed a few things.
First we have been working with his school and have enrolled him in a program called "Steps" it runs once a week for 8 weeks during school hours. He is taught during this class techniques in handling his anger and respecting the personal space of others.
We also have changed the way we deal with Benjamin's behavior, understanding that he may have a behavioral disorder helps us understand him better. We find that the angrier we get the more we feed into it, and we make it worse. He irritates on purpose because he feeds on this attention and friction.
Also by suggestion of our pediatrician we have also started giving him a medication that initially was given to assist him with another issue (peeing at night, which we saw was causing a lack of confidence in him) but has also assists children that have ADD. Although it is not thought that Benjamin has ADD, his behavior has improved since he began treatment with this drug.

With all this, we have just received a great report card for Ben, A's in English Spelling and Reading Skills, and Math. He also received a B+ in Math and a B in French Spelling and Reading comprehension.
I also have had a chance to speak personally with his teacher and she can't say enough about how much progress Ben has made since school began. She said it's amazing to see how intelligent he is, once you get the behavior issues out of the way.
I am very proud of him, and all that he has achieved this year.

I do fear that he still struggles though I see it in his eyes. You can always tell when Ben is having a bad day. He struggles greatly with change and right now school has presented yet another change to his routine. His amazing teacher had to go on an emergency leave due to her pregnancy, an so he has had temporary teachers. That along with the holidays, he has had some very emotionally charges days lately.

We shall see what tomorrow will bring!

Behavior Problems

So it`s not a secret that our Benjamin has always been a challenge. He is always the child seeking out ways to get into trouble. Always the one to defy the rules or to push them as far as he can take.
Discribing Ben`s behavior to others is very hard as it all sounds like normal 6 year old traits, however take normal and times it by ten and that is our Ben.

Does he have a behavior issue? It`s hard to say, but we shall see after talking with a Pediatrician what coarse of action needs to be taken.

Thee most frustrating part of this is that no matter what Jeremy and I do he shows no improvement. His behavior is causing such stress in the family, we are out of options and just dont know how to handle his episodes any longer.

Up until now I have excused his behavior, and just accepted it as just his nature. But now that he is in school and causing trouble outside of the home I don`t want him to be labelled as the "bad" child. Although I don`t want him to have a behavioral disorder I do, because at least we would have reason for it..people would extend him more patience and understanding. At least then we can have a coarse of actions to improve it and hopefully manage it.
Perhaps then to I won`t feel like such a bad parent.

To Build Up or Tear Down

I truly believe that the majority of people never intend to be hurtful or inconsiderate. That being said I so many times am caught questioning that very fact. How can people be so uncaring, cold hearted and careless?

To build Up or tear down is in the hand of each of us. I think all to often we tend to forget how powerful a simple word can be.

Why is it that some find it so easy to believe the very worst, to accept and speak about careless words spoken with no fact or basis?

Satan will ensure that before the end, he has attacked each and every family member of the Christian congregation. Spreading rumours and gossiping is doing nothing but assisting Satan in his cause. Uprooting the very core of the congregation and tearing it apart is his goal, So it is not a shock then to see the Faithful being attacked, these final days will be a trial for us all.

Mom and Dad I love and admire your faithful coarse, and so does Jehovah. Keep fighting the fine faith.

Thoughts of the Day

Thoughts of the day...hmm....not sure I should express them to tell you truthfully. I would like to pre empt my thoughts to exclude the select few who rise above and prove each and everyday they are the exception to what seems to be the rule.
My dear husband is that exception, and seems to be in the midst of a sea of selfish, unsatisfied and in my opinion weak Men.

Yes that is my view of "today's" man. I have a very broken view of the traditional strong, rock and head of the family that the Bible speaks of.
When we date and court our husbands we look for these qualities. True at a young age it is hard to see the man behind the boy, and I can totally see why men should wait until they are past the bloom of youth before considering marriage.
It seems that allot of Men today regret making that step in life at an early age, and are making every excuse to not hold up to their responsibilities.
Often "religion" is being blamed for the decisions made in life, and that because of this some feel that they haven't been able to live up to their "potential."
The reality is this, Jehovah sets out guidelines that are often neglected and all in out ignored. Marriage is a sacred arrangement that is not to be taken lightly. So sacred that right from the beginning we are told how to be successful, morally and spiritually and if we CHOOSE not to listen, we cannot blame him for the outcome.
I am not going to excuse myself out of the category of those married at a young age. Jeremy and I were married when we were 21, and I would not change it for anything. We have a strong relationship and with Jehovah's blessing and help we will continue on the road less travelled these days to success.
I see so many marriages falling apart, and I know it's not always the men in the marriage that are the ones leaving, however most recently and more commonly with the pressures of today's life so many Men are walking away, claiming they have changed and want different things in life. Do not want the responsibilities or want to answer to anyone.
I certainly understand what is like to put aside personal wants, and to sacrifice "me time" to not be able to achieve goals you at one time had set for yourself. But here's the thing, my life has taken the twists and turns from point A-B because of MY decisions. I choose to be baptized, I chose to pioneer, I choose to marry and I chose to have children.
Own up to your choices and take responsibility for them. You can't "mulligan" them.

Anyways these thoughts of the day are in wake of a serious of unfortunate events that I have been witness to, not just in the immediate circle of relations and friends but just everyday observances.
I think what I resent the most is the pressure it puts on those of us that are being successful. I find myself being paranoid and questioning in my mind everything that I know to be truthful and beautiful and fulfilling. I cherish every moment and would die without my Rock and my Head.

I know Jeremy will be reading this blog and I hope he understands my thoughts of the day.