Daily Struggles

I am going to try and write each day this summer, even if they are short posts. But I want to try and remember all that I've done and accomplished, even the little things. I guess this will perhaps become a gratitude journal??? I have trouble seeing the forest through the trees at times, so perhaps writing each day might help me "celebrate" each day we get through.
But I am not going to sugar coat anything, because sometime what happens in the coarse of the day isn't always worth celebrating, but maybe if I write about it I can perhaps work through it better.

So yesterday was July 10, and my baby of the family Isaac was 6 years old! I can't believe it! He is getting so big, even if he still sucks his thumb! I really would like to see him stop this habit, but at the same time, as he is my baby I find myself reluctant to begin weaning him off. This is the last thing that still makes him not just my youngest but my "baby'! Selfish? maybe...but just a little bit longer won't hurt? He is such a sweet boy too, a beautiful caring personality. He is a refreshing change, as I don't find him at all needy or high maintenance. He is perfectly happy just playing by himself with his cars, and rarely complains unless his siblings are bothering him.
I love this little boy, and can't wait to see the man that he grows to be!

I of coarse can't get through a day without incident. I really don't know what was the cause of this outburst, but often that's the case. When it comes to Benjamin, it's often unknown what the cause of his anxiety is, but when it's sensory based that is often the way it is.
So here it goes...
The kids are starting to settle into summer holidays, and are starting to get on each others nerves. Fighting is a daily staple here. I often try and stay out of it, as I believe kids need to learn to work things out themselves. But often it escalates to "hands on" behavior, and that's when I need to step in.

Ben started hitting Olivia in the head with Pillows from the sofa, possibly to fulfill a sensory need, but also possible just to annoy his sister. She asked him several times to stop and he wasn't hearing her or reading her behavior to understand to stop. She started to cry and came and got me.  When I talked to him about it, I approached him calmly...I asked him why he didn't stop, and he said he didn't know it was bothering her.  I tried to tell him that when someone starts crying and tells him to stop he must respect that.  He suddenly became very angry and kicked my cupboard with enough force I am surprised he didn't break it. I raised my voice, and told him that he can't be kicking my cupboards, then he crumbled his snack he was holding all over the floor, while staring at me with a taunting glare.  It's so hard to keep composed and not over react, harder then anything....so with this in mind I told him to go to his room to take some time to calm down.   He refused....I asked again...he refused....I told him to go to his room, or he would have his iPod taken away.  That sent him screaming up the stairs, then he fell to the floor in dramatic fashion in the bathroom. He screamed hurtful obscenities at me more horrible then ever before.......this really is the point of no return, I am cooked no matter what I do....I wish a therapist could live with me to see this unfold, tell me the best thing to do....this behavior is not ok....I grabbed him by the arm and ended up physically dragging him to his room...which is not easy as the kid is 90 pounds of dead weight....I told him to take some time to think about what he just said, I wanted him to pray about it and when he was ready to calmly talk to me and apologize to each member of his family he could come out.....He screamed and broke a toy of his brothers over a period of about 20 minutes.
Then he came out, completely calm and reasonable.....like it was nothing. He listened to me explain to him that it's not ok to use bad language, and we really need to work on that problem together. I explained to him that he would have to clean up the mess he made in the kitchen and would be apologizing to his sister and brother and most of all me.  He complied.

Silver lining? I gained a small victory in that he was able to calm himself down. He did what was asked of him, even though it took some time to get there, he did it.

After this we went to Woodstock to see a movie with my sister Trisha and her kids. This really lifted everyone's mood, and gave us a bit of a relief.

I did notice though that overall Ben was just not having a very good day, struggled a lot controlling his emotions and understanding social queues. He had other incidents throughout the day that included not knowing that he needs to stop and ensure someone is ok after hurting them, and also having another melt down when he felt he was being accused of something he thought he didn't do.

These are areas regarding social behavior that we need to work on with his Occupational Therapist that has been assigned to him through the school, once September comes.

So another day passes, I will put this one to bed...learn from today's failures and rejoice in the small victories.