http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TOxhzAm7fY (Link to Beauty School Drop Out, from the movie Grease)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Beauty School Drop Out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TOxhzAm7fY (Link to Beauty School Drop Out, from the movie Grease)
Friday, March 26, 2010
CUT IT OUUUTTTTT!
Well Ben took that literally today, deciding to cut his sister's pony tail. 
Naturally of coarse him and Olivia devise a great story to go along with it to. I could barely hold it together while they spun a tale so big that even Pinocciho would have been proud.
I will update tomorrow with a picture of her new haircut that had to occur as a result..an emergency visit to First Choice, as it was the CO visit only hours before we had to leave.
But here is the story..I gotta hand it to them although a complete fabrication it was well scripted and acted out!
Ben: (coming running up from the basement stairs, all winded and out of breath) MOM, MOM, YOU HAVE TO CHECK LIV'S HAIR FOR LICE...but first check mine cause I haven't had it in a while..."
Me: Does someone in your class have Lice Ben? Why are you so worried?
Ben: No but I haven't had it in a while...(in an attempt to divert my attention away from Olivia of coarse he have me check his head first)
Olivia: LOOK what is happening to me Mom..(eyes wider then ever)...every time I do this (she grabs a handful of hair and pulls) THIS HAPPENS! (handfull of hair come out as she pulls)
At this point I realize what has happened and that they are lying to me....
Me: WHAT DID YOU DO????? YOU CUT YOUR HAIR?????
Olivia: Ben did it!
Ben: She cut mine first...she told me to do it....(grasping at lies, as his hair was not cut..and Olivia later tells me that Ben diverted her attention while he deliberately cut her hair)
Ben now senses I am on to him...then suddenly says "OKAY OKAY...I'M GOING TO MY ROOM"
Unbelievable...needless to say yes they spent time in their rooms, and they both had their allowance taken to pay for her hair cut....
A lesson learned? We shall see as this is the 3rd time they have snuck the scissors.
Not Cute....LOL.
Naturally of coarse him and Olivia devise a great story to go along with it to. I could barely hold it together while they spun a tale so big that even Pinocciho would have been proud.
I will update tomorrow with a picture of her new haircut that had to occur as a result..an emergency visit to First Choice, as it was the CO visit only hours before we had to leave.
But here is the story..I gotta hand it to them although a complete fabrication it was well scripted and acted out!
Ben: (coming running up from the basement stairs, all winded and out of breath) MOM, MOM, YOU HAVE TO CHECK LIV'S HAIR FOR LICE...but first check mine cause I haven't had it in a while..."
Me: Does someone in your class have Lice Ben? Why are you so worried?
Ben: No but I haven't had it in a while...(in an attempt to divert my attention away from Olivia of coarse he have me check his head first)
Olivia: LOOK what is happening to me Mom..(eyes wider then ever)...every time I do this (she grabs a handful of hair and pulls) THIS HAPPENS! (handfull of hair come out as she pulls)
At this point I realize what has happened and that they are lying to me....
Me: WHAT DID YOU DO????? YOU CUT YOUR HAIR?????
Olivia: Ben did it!
Ben: She cut mine first...she told me to do it....(grasping at lies, as his hair was not cut..and Olivia later tells me that Ben diverted her attention while he deliberately cut her hair)
Ben now senses I am on to him...then suddenly says "OKAY OKAY...I'M GOING TO MY ROOM"
Unbelievable...needless to say yes they spent time in their rooms, and they both had their allowance taken to pay for her hair cut....
A lesson learned? We shall see as this is the 3rd time they have snuck the scissors.
Not Cute....LOL.
The "Explosive Child"
"See, Mom and Dad, I have a little problem. Actually, it's turning into a big problem. I'm not good at being flexible, handling frustration, and solving problems. And you guys and lots of other people expect me to handle changes in plans, being told what to do, and things not going the way I thought they would, as well as other kids. When you expect these things, I start to get frustrated, and then I have trouble thinking clearly, and then I get even more frustrated. Then you guys get frustrated, and that just makes it worse. Then I start doing things I wish I didn't do and things I wish I didn't say. Then you sometimes do things you wish you didn't do and say things you wish you didn't say. Then you punish me, and it gets really messy. After the dust settles, you know, when I start thinking clearly again, I end up being really sorry for the things I did and said. I know this isn't fun for you, but rest assured, I'm not having any fun either. I wish we could figure out why I act like this, and work together so it doesn't happen anymore"
This brought tears to my eyes when I read this because it puts into words the way I think Benjamin feels....when I ask him why he acts the way he does the only way he can describe it is "my brain tells me to" or "I don't know Mom, I can't control it".
I am finally getting to reading a much talked about and referenced book "The Explosive Child"
by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. I am only on the third chapter and I am very impressed and intrigued to keep reading. He describes our son Ben to a T..and has examples of how other parents feel, that describe the agony the guilt and utter frustration that has left me zapped of all energy.
I can see that I am not the only one that feels buried under the speculation, and scrutinay of the masses that Ben's behavioral issues are as of a result of poor parenting, when in reality he is a special needs child that has not learned the same coping techniques others have at this age to deal with flexibility, frustration tolerance, and problem solving.
As one parent says " I hate what I've become. I used to think of myself as a kind, patient, sympathetic person. But my child has caused me to act in ways in which I never thought myself capable. I'm emotionally spent. I can't keep living like this, I feel alone."
I also feel as this mother did, that at times I feel guilty because alot of the time I really don't like my son, nor what he is doing to our family, we are feeling like we are walking on egg shells waiting for the next crisis to happen. Always in a "perpetual state of crisis
Chapter 2 is entitled "Kids Do Well If They Can"
The basic premise to this chapter is that if a kid COULD do well, he WOULD do well.
The most importanT thing you can do to help your explosive kid to be less explosive is to understand why he's explosive in the first place.
Interesting it states not to put alot of faith in phychiatric diagnosis. While a diagnoses can help certifiy that there is something different about your kid, labelling Ben as ODD doesn't help you identify the thinking skills he is lacking that I could be teaching, or the problems that are underlying your child's explosions that I could be helping him solve.Ben isen't explosive all the time, only sometimes under certain conditons, because he doesn't have the skills to deal well with the demands that are being placed on him.
So the FIRST STEP in achieving success: is accepting that if Ben COULD be more flexible, handle frustration more adaptively, and solve problems more proficiantly, he WOULD.
SECOND STEP: Identify the specific lagging skill and unsolved problems that are setting the stage for explosions in Ben.
All convential explanations and parenting skills need to be put on the shelf. A new plan needs to be made, but we got some figuring to do first......I can't wait for the next chapter!
So the past few months have been very challenging with Benjamin and his behavior. I have been very involved with the school advacating for Ben and ensuring he is being viewed as a special needs child. I have had to have him changed to a different class for this last symester to hopefully keep him away from other troubled children he was friends with. I also have enrolled him in a program at the school called STEPS, this is a program run to help children learn how to manage their anger in a more appropriate way.
The main strategy we are working on at school and at home is remaing "COOL" and using words not hands to resolve conflict. Benjamin will recieve reward and praise for showing this behavior. I have placed fun sings up around the house to help him with this!
I also have started having regular visits from Madamme Vanier Child Mental Health Services in our home. I have enrolled in their Intesive Family Service which allows a child counsellor into our home 2 or more times if need to observe and offer parenting strategies to assist us in helping Ben learn to cope with his anger management. Our counceller will also likely visit the school to observe Ben there as well.
Lastly we have started Ben on a drug called Strattera which is designed mainly for children with ADHD, but has shown to help improve the "rage" in children with ODD. Ben has been taking Strattera for approx 6 week now, and has been a full clinical strength for approx 2 (18mg) I am seeing small improvements in him, for example his rage episodes are fewer and are not as long maybe 20 min for him to work through, whereas before it could be up to an hour or more. Small things that before would trigger an episode now do not on his good days. I also see small improvements in his affection and a slight improvement in his caring for others. He has a number of time come up unprompted and hugged me and told me he loved me. This is so nice!
I am also currently looking into something I stubbled upon last night in my research that link Ben's bedwetting, griding of his teeth (horrible), racing heart beats and ODD to an overactive parasympathic nervous system. Not sure if this will give me any answers but we shall see.
This brought tears to my eyes when I read this because it puts into words the way I think Benjamin feels....when I ask him why he acts the way he does the only way he can describe it is "my brain tells me to" or "I don't know Mom, I can't control it".
I am finally getting to reading a much talked about and referenced book "The Explosive Child"
by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. I am only on the third chapter and I am very impressed and intrigued to keep reading. He describes our son Ben to a T..and has examples of how other parents feel, that describe the agony the guilt and utter frustration that has left me zapped of all energy. I can see that I am not the only one that feels buried under the speculation, and scrutinay of the masses that Ben's behavioral issues are as of a result of poor parenting, when in reality he is a special needs child that has not learned the same coping techniques others have at this age to deal with flexibility, frustration tolerance, and problem solving.
As one parent says " I hate what I've become. I used to think of myself as a kind, patient, sympathetic person. But my child has caused me to act in ways in which I never thought myself capable. I'm emotionally spent. I can't keep living like this, I feel alone."
I also feel as this mother did, that at times I feel guilty because alot of the time I really don't like my son, nor what he is doing to our family, we are feeling like we are walking on egg shells waiting for the next crisis to happen. Always in a "perpetual state of crisis
Chapter 2 is entitled "Kids Do Well If They Can"
The basic premise to this chapter is that if a kid COULD do well, he WOULD do well.
The most importanT thing you can do to help your explosive kid to be less explosive is to understand why he's explosive in the first place.
Interesting it states not to put alot of faith in phychiatric diagnosis. While a diagnoses can help certifiy that there is something different about your kid, labelling Ben as ODD doesn't help you identify the thinking skills he is lacking that I could be teaching, or the problems that are underlying your child's explosions that I could be helping him solve.Ben isen't explosive all the time, only sometimes under certain conditons, because he doesn't have the skills to deal well with the demands that are being placed on him.
So the FIRST STEP in achieving success: is accepting that if Ben COULD be more flexible, handle frustration more adaptively, and solve problems more proficiantly, he WOULD.
SECOND STEP: Identify the specific lagging skill and unsolved problems that are setting the stage for explosions in Ben.
All convential explanations and parenting skills need to be put on the shelf. A new plan needs to be made, but we got some figuring to do first......I can't wait for the next chapter!
So the past few months have been very challenging with Benjamin and his behavior. I have been very involved with the school advacating for Ben and ensuring he is being viewed as a special needs child. I have had to have him changed to a different class for this last symester to hopefully keep him away from other troubled children he was friends with. I also have enrolled him in a program at the school called STEPS, this is a program run to help children learn how to manage their anger in a more appropriate way.
The main strategy we are working on at school and at home is remaing "COOL" and using words not hands to resolve conflict. Benjamin will recieve reward and praise for showing this behavior. I have placed fun sings up around the house to help him with this!
I also have started having regular visits from Madamme Vanier Child Mental Health Services in our home. I have enrolled in their Intesive Family Service which allows a child counsellor into our home 2 or more times if need to observe and offer parenting strategies to assist us in helping Ben learn to cope with his anger management. Our counceller will also likely visit the school to observe Ben there as well. Lastly we have started Ben on a drug called Strattera which is designed mainly for children with ADHD, but has shown to help improve the "rage" in children with ODD. Ben has been taking Strattera for approx 6 week now, and has been a full clinical strength for approx 2 (18mg) I am seeing small improvements in him, for example his rage episodes are fewer and are not as long maybe 20 min for him to work through, whereas before it could be up to an hour or more. Small things that before would trigger an episode now do not on his good days. I also see small improvements in his affection and a slight improvement in his caring for others. He has a number of time come up unprompted and hugged me and told me he loved me. This is so nice!
I am also currently looking into something I stubbled upon last night in my research that link Ben's bedwetting, griding of his teeth (horrible), racing heart beats and ODD to an overactive parasympathic nervous system. Not sure if this will give me any answers but we shall see.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The "F" Word
The language of today, for the most part in pretty foul. I would like to think however that my children are someone immune from it at least for now.
I laugh though when Ben comes home from school and says to me "Mom..I know what the "F" word is..."Fart", or I know what the "H" word is..."Hate", or "S" word is "Stupid". I am thankful that these are the words he thinks are BAD words or Swears..as these words coming from a 6 year old do not sound all that nice.
Tonight however I fear the innocence has been lost, and Ben has been exposed to the real "F" swear word. He is in Grade 1.
I was upstairs making dinner and I hear Ben downstairs "OH..F@#$@#$@"....excuse me???? I asked him where he heard it and although he said from school, he "doesn't" remember from who.
I really suspect it was from one particular boy that I have cautioned him against playing with..he is a troubled boy unfortunately from a bad family and has already been suspended once for aggressive behavior (stabbed Ben with a pencil)...pretty sad really.
That being said, I think Ben doesn't want to tell on his friends. Either way he had a stern talking to. I sure hope I don't hear that from him again.
Am I going to survive these school years?
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Family Supper December 2009
So another year has gone and here we are. Slightly beaten and bruised, however in the end we shake the dust off and take the time to enjoy the little things in our life that make us smile. Our children!
This year we have a new addition to the family, our little Patrick! Although his Mommy is still not back in the "fold" we were able to steal him for a few precious moments that we all needed desperately.
There is just something so beautiful in the innocence seen through a babies eyes, the trusting little grin, and the delightful giggles all make us forget about the less then perfect life, but gives us hope for a better tomorrow.
This year we have a new addition to the family, our little Patrick! Although his Mommy is still not back in the "fold" we were able to steal him for a few precious moments that we all needed desperately.
There is just something so beautiful in the innocence seen through a babies eyes, the trusting little grin, and the delightful giggles all make us forget about the less then perfect life, but gives us hope for a better tomorrow.
Resolution
So here it is...I have to say it out loud so I can't go back on it. I am making a promise to myself to loose the weight this coming year. No more excuses...I was able to take off 20 pounds last year however through the summer months I stopped dieting and I have since gained back 10 pounds....eeeeek.
It's always so much easier puting it on then it is to take it off. Why does food have to taste sooo soo good?
I have really been packing on the weight these past few weeks..I guess in my mind D day is coming so I have to enjoy every second I have left...LOL!
Anyways the count down is on!
It's always so much easier puting it on then it is to take it off. Why does food have to taste sooo soo good?
I have really been packing on the weight these past few weeks..I guess in my mind D day is coming so I have to enjoy every second I have left...LOL!
Anyways the count down is on!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Update
Sorry for not updating the blog in a while, I haven't really been all that inspired to say the least...or should I rephrase and say I haven't had much good to say...but really when has that stopped me? Besides I guess that was the whole reason I started the blog was to diary my feelings, hoping to find this an outlet to ease my anxiety and stress of day to day trials and tribulations we have come to know as Life in these "Times of the End".
I can give a positive update on our dealing with Benjamin and his behavioral issues! We have taken some preliminary steps that have really made a difference with him....although in past observances he does have a couple good months and then a really bad month, he has seemed to have had a good few consecutive months with a marked improvement that has been noticeable. His anger although still expressed sharply and at times very emotionally charged, is not elevating to out of control rage. These "episodes" generally only last a few minutes now rather then 10 minutes or more.
He is also is learning to respect the boundaries of the "hands off" rule. His first reaction used to be to immediately strike out at his sister relentlessly with physical confrontation and would not let up, however now although at times he will still hit her, it is usually not with as much force and not out of control. He also is more likely to share his feelings with us, where before he would just bottle up what he was feeling and would just get mad.
What has made the difference in him? I am not sure what one thing has helped, but overall we have changed a few things.
First we have been working with his school and have enrolled him in a program called "Steps" it runs once a week for 8 weeks during school hours. He is taught during this class techniques in handling his anger and respecting the personal space of others.
We also have changed the way we deal with Benjamin's behavior, understanding that he may have a behavioral disorder helps us understand him better. We find that the angrier we get the more we feed into it, and we make it worse. He irritates on purpose because he feeds on this attention and friction.
Also by suggestion of our pediatrician we have also started giving him a medication that initially was given to assist him with another issue (peeing at night, which we saw was causing a lack of confidence in him) but has also assists children that have ADD. Although it is not thought that Benjamin has ADD, his behavior has improved since he began treatment with this drug.
With all this, we have just received a great report card for Ben, A's in English Spelling and Reading Skills, and Math. He also received a B+ in Math and a B in French Spelling and Reading comprehension.
I also have had a chance to speak personally with his teacher and she can't say enough about how much progress Ben has made since school began. She said it's amazing to see how intelligent he is, once you get the behavior issues out of the way.
I am very proud of him, and all that he has achieved this year.
I do fear that he still struggles though I see it in his eyes. You can always tell when Ben is having a bad day. He struggles greatly with change and right now school has presented yet another change to his routine. His amazing teacher had to go on an emergency leave due to her pregnancy, an so he has had temporary teachers. That along with the holidays, he has had some very emotionally charges days lately.
We shall see what tomorrow will bring!
I can give a positive update on our dealing with Benjamin and his behavioral issues! We have taken some preliminary steps that have really made a difference with him....although in past observances he does have a couple good months and then a really bad month, he has seemed to have had a good few consecutive months with a marked improvement that has been noticeable. His anger although still expressed sharply and at times very emotionally charged, is not elevating to out of control rage. These "episodes" generally only last a few minutes now rather then 10 minutes or more.
He is also is learning to respect the boundaries of the "hands off" rule. His first reaction used to be to immediately strike out at his sister relentlessly with physical confrontation and would not let up, however now although at times he will still hit her, it is usually not with as much force and not out of control. He also is more likely to share his feelings with us, where before he would just bottle up what he was feeling and would just get mad.
What has made the difference in him? I am not sure what one thing has helped, but overall we have changed a few things.
First we have been working with his school and have enrolled him in a program called "Steps" it runs once a week for 8 weeks during school hours. He is taught during this class techniques in handling his anger and respecting the personal space of others.
We also have changed the way we deal with Benjamin's behavior, understanding that he may have a behavioral disorder helps us understand him better. We find that the angrier we get the more we feed into it, and we make it worse. He irritates on purpose because he feeds on this attention and friction.
Also by suggestion of our pediatrician we have also started giving him a medication that initially was given to assist him with another issue (peeing at night, which we saw was causing a lack of confidence in him) but has also assists children that have ADD. Although it is not thought that Benjamin has ADD, his behavior has improved since he began treatment with this drug.
With all this, we have just received a great report card for Ben, A's in English Spelling and Reading Skills, and Math. He also received a B+ in Math and a B in French Spelling and Reading comprehension.
I also have had a chance to speak personally with his teacher and she can't say enough about how much progress Ben has made since school began. She said it's amazing to see how intelligent he is, once you get the behavior issues out of the way.
I am very proud of him, and all that he has achieved this year.
I do fear that he still struggles though I see it in his eyes. You can always tell when Ben is having a bad day. He struggles greatly with change and right now school has presented yet another change to his routine. His amazing teacher had to go on an emergency leave due to her pregnancy, an so he has had temporary teachers. That along with the holidays, he has had some very emotionally charges days lately.
We shall see what tomorrow will bring!
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