Thoughts of the Day

Thoughts of the day...hmm....not sure I should express them to tell you truthfully. I would like to pre empt my thoughts to exclude the select few who rise above and prove each and everyday they are the exception to what seems to be the rule.
My dear husband is that exception, and seems to be in the midst of a sea of selfish, unsatisfied and in my opinion weak Men.

Yes that is my view of "today's" man. I have a very broken view of the traditional strong, rock and head of the family that the Bible speaks of.
When we date and court our husbands we look for these qualities. True at a young age it is hard to see the man behind the boy, and I can totally see why men should wait until they are past the bloom of youth before considering marriage.
It seems that allot of Men today regret making that step in life at an early age, and are making every excuse to not hold up to their responsibilities.
Often "religion" is being blamed for the decisions made in life, and that because of this some feel that they haven't been able to live up to their "potential."
The reality is this, Jehovah sets out guidelines that are often neglected and all in out ignored. Marriage is a sacred arrangement that is not to be taken lightly. So sacred that right from the beginning we are told how to be successful, morally and spiritually and if we CHOOSE not to listen, we cannot blame him for the outcome.
I am not going to excuse myself out of the category of those married at a young age. Jeremy and I were married when we were 21, and I would not change it for anything. We have a strong relationship and with Jehovah's blessing and help we will continue on the road less travelled these days to success.
I see so many marriages falling apart, and I know it's not always the men in the marriage that are the ones leaving, however most recently and more commonly with the pressures of today's life so many Men are walking away, claiming they have changed and want different things in life. Do not want the responsibilities or want to answer to anyone.
I certainly understand what is like to put aside personal wants, and to sacrifice "me time" to not be able to achieve goals you at one time had set for yourself. But here's the thing, my life has taken the twists and turns from point A-B because of MY decisions. I choose to be baptized, I chose to pioneer, I choose to marry and I chose to have children.
Own up to your choices and take responsibility for them. You can't "mulligan" them.

Anyways these thoughts of the day are in wake of a serious of unfortunate events that I have been witness to, not just in the immediate circle of relations and friends but just everyday observances.
I think what I resent the most is the pressure it puts on those of us that are being successful. I find myself being paranoid and questioning in my mind everything that I know to be truthful and beautiful and fulfilling. I cherish every moment and would die without my Rock and my Head.

I know Jeremy will be reading this blog and I hope he understands my thoughts of the day.

Ben's First Day of Grade 1

So Ben was a little apprehensive today, not knowing who his teacher would be or who would be in his class. Once he got there and saw that he had a few boys in his class from last year he felt more at ease! One day down...how many to go?

Final Long weekand of the Summer!

We had such a beautiful week and, and it ended with a great day at the park! Called on all to meet at the park and despite forgetting the fuel for the stove to cook the corn, we snacked on KFC and enjoyed the park with the kids!

Olivia went right for the splash pad, while Isaac was a little more hesitant. Ben opted out and decided to head for the playground!

Choices and Consequence

The final long weekend of the summer is here, Labor Day! But of coarse no plans. For fear of a repeat of the last "holiday" we took as a family we are just staying home.

Friday evening was spent at Trisha's place hanging with the gang! I even got a little baby time with little Patrick as I had a few "things" for him. Haven't seen the little sweetie since the hospital. He is still owe so tiny, just over 8 lbs he is still weighs less then my littlest baby Isaac who was 8.6 lbs at birth.


I find it so sad that I will miss so many of his "baby days", I would like to ring Casidee's neck for taking such an important time away from the family. I know she doesn't see it that way at all. As she has said in the past "you know where I am", and specifically said prior to this disfellowshipping that it is "your" choice (ours) not to associate with her. She is a very selfish person, and doesn't seem to feel any remorse or shame for her situation...But she is right it is a "choice" and we choose to serve Jehovah, and she is choosing not to. It is certainly not the children's fault however, and despite the poor choices she has made, I know that we all will do our utmost to ensure that Hailey and Patrick will always feel the love of us all.

Anyways on the way home the children were having an interesting conversation about Paradise. It's so funny the way their little minds work. Olivia pipes up and says "I am bringing my Butterfly net to Paradise, I will run from Armageddon with it all the way to Paradise and catch some toads in the river." I had to laugh, so cute! Those two and their toads.

Man Eater in Training

Today I called in work sick...I truly could not bring myself to go into work today. Really just a physically, and emotionally blah day!

Some funny moments however with the kids I thought I would share.

This morning I left the kids in the kitchen with a "snack tray" to munch on while I was in the shower with a simple question....can I trust you two to BEHAVE??? "yyyyUP!" So I go have my shower to come downstairs to find cookies completely smashed all over the table and floor. I asked who made the mess, Olivia immediately points to Ben, and Ben points to Olivia and says "she told me to!" No excuses... I replied and took the snack privileges away for the morning. Cleaned up the mess and warned that they had better smartin up or they would spend the day in their rooms.

So the morning continued on, without any major behavioural issues so that was good. Olivia however revealed a disturbing quality while playing with a toad I found for them in the garden. They both crack me up with these toads, they talk to it, play with it, examine it. Liv says, "he's smart Ben look" "Ben he's doin what I tell him" ....so it is becoming so clear..Ben does the bad acts but the mastermind is the Little Man eater in training...Olivia.

Later tonight at bed time the kids were upstairs for a bit while I was cleaning up....of coarse they can't be left alone very long without getting into mischief....so I go upstairs and find Ben in the bathroom with a pair of scissors cutting up a pair of suspenders....I calmly ask him what he was doing and he just simply said "I am am cutting them"...ok so why are you cutting them I ask "because Liv did it first"....awww well then it's ok....I then head over the bedroom and there is a book sitting on Olivia's bed and it's completely cut to shreds. So I ask Olivia to explain to me what happend..she blames Ben of coarse, so I ask him to explain why he did it and his answer "Olivia told me she would hit me if I didn't do it"...uuuuhhh what? Olivia is this true..."yup"

I can't believe my little angle is already mastering the art of munipulating men...Man eater!

A Work in Progress

Sorry for my entry yesterday evening, I am feeling a bit better today. My poor parents thought I was at the point of no return with that entry last night. But in no way did I intend it to sound that way. I will be using this blog to express my feelings, sort of an outlet so to speak. Most times you will read of my trial and tribulations with as much humour I can find in them, but other times you may read of the occasional tribulation I wasn't able to conquer with the same jest.
I am a work in progress so to speak, living in this little life with a glimps now and again at what true living will be like in paradise. I know I am so blest to have the beautiful children that I have and a truely honorable man as my husband.
Jeremy and I are a team, we support each other most of the time when we are having a tough time with the kids, usually taking over when the other has had enough, allowing the other to "go let off steam" even if it means just going for a walk through Walmart..or in Jer's case a local nursery or home decor store...lol.
It's nights when we both are at our limit of patience and energy that leave me feeling very defeated as I did last night.

But today was a better day overall. Work went reasonabally well, and I also made final arrangements with our new child care provider!
I am a little nervous but excited to try someone and something new for the kids. The daycare is called "Busy Bees" and is run by a single Mom out of her home. It is amazing, and you won't believe it unless you saw it yourself! She has converted her entire house into a childcare facility! Wall to wall toys, activities and learning fun! She even teaches them sign language. Her oldest boy goes to a private school and at a ripe old age of 5 is going into grade 3! Her yongest is 18 months and can identify colors and speak fluently unlike my little turtle who just grunts and says "yah" and "dah" to everything...lol! I really think it will be a good experience for my children. So much so that I am not putting Olivia in JK this year. I think she will learn just as much from this program!
She provides full day care, full meals and snacks diapers and will pick up Ben after school. And will do all that for 60.00 per day. This is what I am paying now for the three of them being cared for at home, with my food, diapers and hydro....lol!
Anyways I am hoping that it will all work out well.

This evening's bed time was entertaining to say the least. I allowed them the priveledge of sleeping in the same room, before I left I told the kids no talking (yah right) no playing (yah right) and no getting out of bed unless you have to use the bathroom (yah right). Less then 5 min after leaving the room I go back to check on them and Olivia is standing on the ladder of the bunk beds with her pants pulled down mooning Ben...what the????
Needless to say with a blushing behind she was sent packin to her own room in her own bed.

Gotta love it!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I struggle sometimes with that very question, at times I feel like just packin it in. I feel so overwhelmed with the stress of living up to expectations of the majority, it's like climbing a slippery hill. Just when you think your getting to the top, you slip right back to the bottom.
My dear sister Candida gave me some great advise, I just don't know how to apply it. She told me that I need to learn my limitations and listen to them. If I can't get it all done in one day realize the world isn't going to end if it's not.
But here in lays the problem that I have, how do you live like that? How do you allow your house to go to a trash heap? How do you not do the laundry? The dishes? Bathing the children? How do you not go to work everyday while your children are being raised by a stranger? How do you learn not to care what others think of your parenting skills?
I just want to curl up and go to sleep in a corner, but how can you? I have to many people that rely on me. 3 little ones in particular.
Maybe I think to much of my role in life, but I can't keep the thought out of my head when I am feeling this way, what if something were to happen to me? Why is it that others don't see me in that way...I guess I am just drained, overspent, is this how all mothers feel?

I need more time in the day, or a full time nanny or housekeeper, need to win the lottery....Wish that I had more time to do things that I want to do, to have a bit more me time...more then just the left over minutes at the end of the day.

Well that is my story today...I am having a very blue day. Feel sorry for me, wish I were YOU day.
But after all is said and done, I do love my Children and my Dear Husband and pray that they will always feel the same about me, even during my bad days.